So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
