It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
