honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
