I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
