yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
