I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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