the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
