I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
