Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
