I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
