What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
