god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found puke in my bra..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
