I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
