Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
