I'm sorry my penis didn't work
one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
