in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the day after is always just damage control
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my liver is dry heaving
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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