they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
