If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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