I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
