All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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