Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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