my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
