It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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