Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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