so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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