I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
did i just pee glitter
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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