my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
