She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
not ubering you a puppy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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