3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
