he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
