You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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