My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
