I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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