Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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