I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
