i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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