I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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