Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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