Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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