Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
