the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
