i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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