what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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