shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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