its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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