help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
