Got a toothbrush?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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