Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
