I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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