I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i love accidental penises.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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