Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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