best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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