you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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