I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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