there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
