I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
