You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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