Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
