I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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