blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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