First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
