something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
