a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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