He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
