I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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