i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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