Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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