She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize