Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
