If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
