I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
