Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
