my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
