im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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