Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
