Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
