Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
