We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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