he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
