btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
