well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
