y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
