omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
