Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
