I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
